February Photo a Day Challenge - #FEBPHOTOADAY

challenge and photo via

Just to be real here - don't ever ask me to do something every day that doesn't occur naturally.  Sleeping, eating, peeing, breathing, I can do those everyday (for the most part).  But anything outside of my body's natural control, I just flat out suck at remembering to do.

Daily multivitamins - sitting on top of the fridge with only one taken since last week.

Daily hormonal birth control - FORGOT TO TAKE IT LAST NIGHT (son of a b....!!!)

Daily workout goals - Didn't go yesterday like I'm supposed to, didn't go today either!

Brushing teeth/washing my face before bed - Ugh, it's such a CHORE!

Feeding the cats - why don't they have thumbs?

Clearly, being a responsible, healthy, clean adult is beyond me.  So, of course, being the overzealous person who wants SO BAD to be that responsible, healthy, clean, AND CREATIVE adult, I see this photo-a-day challenge pop up on other blogs and I think, "Oh, that looks like fun!"

Since I have an Android phone, and Instagram hasn't gotten with the times, I'll be posting my photos on this bloggy blog of mine here, and I'll link it with the hashtag onto my Twitter.  FUN!

Tomorrow I *might* do the first challenge...after I take my multivitamin.

P.S.  Also, make sure to take a look at Fatmumslim's blog, because she's the cutest little Australian ever, is hosting a link party related to the photo a day challenge, and writes very insightful posts!

Embrace The Everything

image via

A comment left by a friend of mine on my post about fear got me thinking - which hurts, because I lack brain power, but I thought anyway.

"I am so damn proud of you for your total honesty in putting youself and your feelings out there, especially in a time where we are conditioned to feel, based on the sugarcoated FB posts documenting everyones "perfect" lives that its somehow shameful to be struggling and going through some rough shit."

After letting her comment sink in for a while, and let it sink heavy, I realized how true it all is. I've found myself editing out and down anything I put on Facebook, in an attempt to make things appear as though it's all alright. Why? According to Facebook, these people who view my updates and pictures should be my "friends" who I want to keep in touch with regardless of where we are in the world and in life. They are even labeled as such - "Friends". Yet, I feel embarrassed to show the struggles I go through daily. That any inkling of turmoil posted onto my Wall would shatter some sort of facade I've unintentionally created about my life. Don't get me wrong, I find it equally as annoying when someone posts nothing but depressing updates about their life, like they're writing a song for Dashboard Confessional - but what is so wrong with representing your true life through Facebook? Or any other form of social media?  Or in REAL LIFE, for that matter?


Why is it looked down on when people express and EMBRACE the "negative" emotions that run through everyday life?

Meeting up with friends for happy hour, I find myself not wanting to be open and honest about my life and where I am emotionally/mentally - because I've been molded to believe that expressing any unhappiness in your life automatically puts you in the "OH EM GEE she is crazy depressed and might kill herself" category.  And no one likes people in that category - it's rough and sad and very, very dark.  That's understandable.

But feelings of sadness, regret, anger, frustration - any "negative" emotion - is meant to be felt because they exist.  If we weren't supposed to feel these feelings, then they wouldn't happen.  We would always be happy - which isn't realistic for life, and neither is hiding "negative" emotions.  EMBRACE them - it's an even bigger waste of energy to do otherwise!  Learn how to constructively deal with these emotions - and then move on.  It's not a sign of weakness to want support and gifts of guidance during a rough time - feeling these emotions creates upward movement in your soul so you can grow as a person!

My interest in this realization had me reflect on less-than happy postings I've made on Facebook or talks I've had with friends, and the types of reactions they'd conjure up. For example, after leaving my previous job, I started to realize that the new one was pretty crappy, as well.  Apparently, a friend of mine didn't agree with my choice to leave the job I was in before (because they worked there, too), and made it passive-aggressively clear in the comments they'd make on my updates on Facebook.

To be completely honest, yes, I have my moments where I think that perhaps the change in jobs was a bad choice, I've EMBRACED that thought, and remember that the previous job wasn't any better on my psyche - I simply went from one depressing work situation right into another.  But since these back-handed comments started popping up, and I started to recognize the feelings I'd have after reading them, my solution was to just stop posting the difficult truths of my life or talking about my thoughts on my current situation, because somehow I felt ashamed. I valued this persons friendship, and didn't want to stir the pot by confronting their words.

Now that I look at all of this from a different point of view, prompted by the blog comment above, I cannot understand why it is so bad for someone to go through a rough time in their life? Why is it taboo to confide in a friend or post something on Facebook, to perhaps gain a different perspective, or even get a little comment of encouragement just to feel loved?  Perhaps even more upsetting is, what kind of people pose as friends, simply to feed off the unhappiness of those they claim to care for?

Life is a dirty bitch, bad choices are made, paths can be confusing, and the greatest thing we, as friends, as people, can do is support each other. To step back and help one another look at the bigger picture:

  "Sure, there's a struggle right now, but this is simply a second in your life, and I am here for you. EMBRACE whatever it is you're feeling, for just this moment, and then let it go, because this is some crazy shit. EMBRACE that life is what it is, we feel these feelings because we were made to.  I am your friend, I am not here to judge.  I'm here to support you."

So, as I posted before, I'm no longer fearing people's reactions, I'm no longer fearing that I'm not always going to be right - instead I'm going to have courage to EMBRACE every aspect my life honestly, truly. And if someone finds my struggles to be laughable or entertaining, then perhaps they need to have courage to EMBRACE the realization that they are not a friend...honestly, truly.

Making Something Out Of Nothing: Tomato Tortellini Soup with Ground Turkey

Not quite sure where I got this trait, but put me in a kitchen that hasn't been restocked in a couple weeks, and I will come out with a random, but crazy yummy, meal.

Last week was another example of this delicious trait of mine - I wasn't at work due to snowy conditions, and I wanted to make sure dinner was done when Brian got home from work. Looking through the cupboards and fridge, we didn't have much to work with. So, I got creative, and a soup was born.

Tomato Tortellini Soup with Ground Turkey

When putting together these meals, I don't measure - I add, then I taste; I look, and I add whatever I think is missing. So exact sizes of each ingredient will not be included, neither will technical terms. I keep it ghetto like that.

• one giant can of diced tomatoes, including juice
• one smaller can of diced tomatoes, including juice
• a box of chicken broth
• one package of ground turkey
• one bag of frozen cheese tortellini 
• some whipping cream
• some ricotta cheese
• parmesan cheese
• lots of garlic (if you think there's too much, add another spoonful)
• random dried spices that have been in my cupboard for...forever. Probably expired (do dried spices expire???)

Directions:
Using a large stock pot, pour in canned tomatoes and broth - let simmer.
In a separate pan, cook and brown ground beef with garlic and spices. I used minced garlic from Costco - because I use A LOT of garlic. Vampires haaaate me.
Once the ground turkey is browned, pour out any grease from cooking, and put the cooked meat into the pit with the broth. Add more garlic. Seriously, my love for this stuff is ridonk.
Add some heavy cream, just enough to make it creamy looking. Like...eh...1/4 C maybe?
Allow meat and broth to simmer and cook down a little, so that it looks less like broth with tomatoes and ground turkey floating around, and more like...I dunno...something better than what you started with. I let it cook for 2 hours.
15 minutes before serving, add in the frozen cheese tortellini  and bring to a boil.
Prior to serving, mix in riccota cheese and mix very well with the soup.
Pour that soupy love into a bowl, top with parmesan cheese, and go to town on it. I won't say that its the best soup ever made, but I WILL say this soup was bomb.com/delicious. Especially when there's Snowmageddon 2012 going on outside.

The Greatest Feeling

There's no stronger feeling than fear. While it's said that love conquers all, fear inevitably conquers love. Fear overtakes pride. Fear can make the strongest person the weakest in the fleeting moment of a thought.

Within the past couple months, it feels that the theme in my life has been fear. Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of change, fear of the constant - fear of life, really. Fear kept me in an unhappy job with a company I didn't trust, but something within me helped me to finally leave. Fear had me second guessing my 7 year relationship because of a potential move for his career, but I found something within me that looked at the brighter side of moving to a new town with new adventures.

Fear has kept me from putting my heart and soul into my passion for being creative. Anytime a handmade gift is given to someone, I do everything to not run away for fear of their reaction. Fear that they'll see every flaw in it that I see; fear that they will not understand the significance of the details. For a friend's birthday, I gave them a mixed media painting. There was an idea in my head: use it to not only motivate their current weight loss goals, but also their life goals. Add in some images that represent what they love and what they hope to accomplish in their future. Make it intentionally messy to show that nothing is perfect. Yet, fear kept me from starting that project for over a month.

One day, I got down to it, and I found something inside of me that finally put brush to canvas - and a week later it was "complete". I say "complete" because fear kept me from seeing it as such. Fear had me over analyzing my work, critiquing every brush stroke, the placement of the glued on images, the choice in paint color, the spacing of the letters I wrote with my own hand. Fear almost kept me from ever giving the artwork to my dear friend...

...but something within me made me put the painting into a bag with tissue paper, a sweet little card, and took it to my friend's birthday party.

Fear almost made me leave that party before my friend could open the gift I made for them. But, again, something within me kept me there. And my friend's reaction, along with everyone else's in the room, was nothing to fear. At all.

Today, while I sat at my desk in my windowless closet office, trying to rationalize with a coworker in an argument, I had a breakdown. I ended our phone conversation, turned off the lights in my office, and I cried.

Is my life meant to be lived in a windowless office in the basement of a hospital?

Am I destined to work administrative jobs where my daily work life is dictated by the whims of overly critical people?

Will I forever shove my creative soul deep into the pits of my existence, just to bring home a regular paycheck?

Once I calmed down, I searched my brain, heart, and soul to figure out how to live a creative life. But there's just one thing standing in the way of my dreams...

...fear.

When it comes to my creative abilities, fear dictates that nothing I do is unique/interesting/well-made enough to be worth anything, let alone worth making a living off of. Fear keeps me from realizing my niche in the creative world - could I be a master at knitting, painting, digital art, quilting, felting, scrapbooking, upholstery, interior design...?

Fear says that I am not very good at any of those things, and sadly, I believed the fear. But today, sitting at my desk, contemplating my future and how I can change it, I decided that fear is no longer a word in my vocabulary that I will use to describe my creative future. Sure, I may not be successful with every project I take on, but at least I stopped listening to the fear, and found something inside me to make that jump.

Fear will no longer trick me into thinking that an idea isn't unique enough, that the craft or art piece I just finished isn't polished enough, or that I'm not good enough to be the creative person I know I am.

Instead, I'm going to move forward with writing, painting, stitching, gluing, designing, TRYING, and I'll keep doing that until I find the happiness that I know I deserve and am worthy of. My future doesn't have me sitting around with images in my head of what I want to do and fear holding me back and telling me my ideas and skills are all wrong.

My future will be in the creative world, and I will make it my own, and I will make it my career...my life. Today, after my cry in a dark office in the basement of a hospital, I found that something within me...

...it's called courage.

My Top 5 Thrift Store Etiquette Rules

The title of this post is laughable - how to be nice to others at a second hand store? Really?

YES, really. There are some common courtesies everyone should abide by to make the over-all experience much more enjoyable, and me want-to-kill-you-lessable.

1 - For the love of all that is glorious, leave your hyperactive, defiant children AT HOME.

I love kids - I can't wait to become a parent and have fun with my kids. Right now, I'm the godmother to three adorable little demons and I can't get enough of them. But, never in the 10+ years that I've been thrift store shopping have I ever seen a child behave at a thrift store - they're either running around pissing people off, or sitting in the cart crying their annoying little heads off.

The Goodwill stores in my area play a little reminder over the intercom every 15 minutes, "For the safety of yourself, your children, and other shoppers, children must be accompanied by an adult at all times." Yet NO ONE seems to listen. Their kids are speeding around on their tiny-people legs holding plastic baseball bats, chasing each other through the store and knocking items out of my hand basket. And then the parent comes around, with a sheepish smile, saying, "I'm so sorry - they just want to play all the time!" That doesn't make things alright. At all. In fact, it elicits a short of response in me that causes my hand to suddenly slap the parent's face so hard that their kids feel it. For reals.

Likewise, keeping them strapped in the shopping cart doesn't make matters any better. When kids are confined to a little shopping cart seat, they're limited on physical movements. They can't run, can't jump, can hit other shoppers with that damned plastic baseball bat. All they can do, really, is center their anger and energy into the one most effective method they can in that situation - screaming. When kids are pissed off, they cry. And when they cry, the parent yells at them to shut up. And when kids can smell the anger on their parent's breath, the child gets even more angry and LOUD. It's almost as though thrift store shoppers have no shame,

"YES, CRY, JIMMY! CRY! SHOW THE STORE HOW MUCH OF A BRAT YOU'RE BEING AND HOW I SIMPLY DON'T KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH YOUR TANTRUMS! RUIN THE EXPERIENCE FOR EVERYONE!"

Just take them home...just...take...them...home...

This all may seem to border on me trying to tell you how to raise your kids, but really I'm just trying to tell you how to raise your kids while you're in a thrift store. HUGE diff.

2 - Personal bubble, respect it.

Granted, the aisles in Goodwill may not be the largest, but with this knowledge, I ensure that I go to thrift stores on days with less traffic - weekdays right after work or VERY EARLY on weekends (when the store opens). That way, less people will need to mind the bubble.

One of my greatest peeves is I'll be about 2 feet away from the end of an aisle, almost done look at the section of women's large short sleeve cotton shirts, when someone comes up next to me, and starts looking through shirts, going in my direction, and then stops and stares at me to move. I get it, I don't own the damn aisle, but I don't want you close enough for me to feel your body heat, when I'm almost done looking! Don't just stand there staring at me with your stupid face, GO AROUND ME. Or, better yet, start at the other end, where I started, and go from there. Sounds petty, sure, whatever, but I don't go to Goodwill to get cozy with the other shoppers. Get out of my face and go to the other side of aisle. There have been a couple times when I'm going through the hangers of shirts, when a woman reaches across me to grab a shirt I just finished looking at. REALLY?

MY BUBBLE - GET OUT OF IT!

3 - Wait your turn

There's a rule at the thrift stores I frequent, "No more than three items in the dressing room at a time". It sucks, because I'm the type of shopper who will go up to the dressing room with a cart full of clothes. In my mind, it would make more sense time-wise to have someone take all their items into the room, and try everything on in one swoop; instead of trying on three things, putting their clothes back on, walk out to their cart, pick out three more things, repeat process. But, I understand that it helps to deter shop lifters. So I suppose I'll let it stand.

A major downside of having this rule, besides from the time, is that you are required to leave your cart full of specially curated articles of clothing out by the go-back rack. Which means that anyone and everyone can go up to your cart while you're trying on some shirts, and just take out what they want. So all that time you spent picking out some really awesome gray blazers, hoping that one might be THE one, some a-hole took a couple because they thought the cart was full of go-backs (or because they're just a soulless bastard knowingly taking your potential purchases). While having not paid for those items, I don't have any right to officially claim them, but this all comes down to not being RUDE. It happens when you're just in the aisles, too. Would you pick out items out of someone's cart at the grocery store? Then why do it at a thrift store? Again - it's like thrift store shoppers have NO SHAME - STOP BEING RUDE.

Bottom line - if you see a cart full of stuff, just leave it alone. You don't know if it's someones. Clothes on a go-back rack or in a giant blue Goodwill bin - HAVE AT IT. My cart full of jeans that, while there's a 90% chance none of then will fit over my thunder thighs, I still want the chance to try them on - KEEP AWAY. I get vicious and I bite. You've been warned.

4 - The garments down below

I can't say I've ever eye-witnessed this happen, but I have heard in the changing room once that it did, but - WEAR UNDERWEAR. A couple weeks back I was trying on a couple dresses at the Goodwill on 72nd in Tacoma, when I overheard a girl and her friend talking about the pants they were trying on. One girl commented, "Ugh, I should have worn different underwear, all I see is panty lines." The other disgusting girl responds with, "Well, you can do like me and just not wear any."

None of the willpower in the universe that could have kept me from saying, "That's f*****g disgusting."

Seriously?! It's all well and good that the thrift stores usually (depending on the store) do a quick cleaning of all their clothes with a sterilizing detergent, but that's already happened, it's not happening again, so you're re-contaminating those jeans with your nasty ass and lady parts. And, who knows if the person before you did the same trashy move of going commando when trying on trousers? Maybe the thin layer of fabric separating me from the crotch of a pair of jeans is just inflated trust, but at least it's SOMETHING.

And, yes, the lady without panties and I got into a little argument. And by argument I mean her telling me 5 times, "You ain't nothin' but a dumb bitch" and me retorting with, "And you're disgusting, sir."

5 - If they don't want to, just leave em

In the past two years, it seems as though thrift store shopping has become somewhat of a trend. I see many more hipster looking kids in Goodwill than ever before. Which, is awesome! Please, jump on the bandwagon so you can be more eco-friendly/cost-saving/re-sale-doing, but, PLEASE, if you have friends who are just not into the idea of wearing clothes that were once on the backs of a stranger or are accustomed to getting a second mortgage for a new pair of jeans, DO NOT BRING THEM WITH. It's never fun to listen to someone across the rack of pants talk smack about wearing someone else's clothes, as though it's a behavior far below their standards. As though shopping re-sale is some level of peasantry that they've yet to experience.

Don't get me wrong, I've had a smack-talking-foot-in-mouth moment a time or two with my Goodwill buddy Denice - I'd hold up the worlds most hideous sweater and ask Denice, "You need this in your closet, don't you?" And we'd laugh it up, only to look over at a 70 year old woman wearing a sweater of the same hideousness. Whoops, sorry lady!

But to demean the act of thrift store shopping is just a form of arrogance that I can't stand. There are many reasons why the shoppers are there, majority of which can't afford to shop elsewhere. Personally, I shop at thrift stores because I love the hunt, and there's a thin line between "I want to save money" vs. "I kinda can't afford not to" - but there are so many people who are down on their luck, just trying to find a warm coat to put on their kid's backs. They don't deserve to be disrespected like that.

____________________________________________________________________

Whenever I visit a thrift store, I make sure to follow these rules. While it may fall blind to most people, I hope that at least my actions will encourage others to act like well-mannered adults, instead of crying-kid-corralling-personal-bubble-bursting-in-my-cart-digging-gross-not-any-underwearing-arrogant-friend-having jerks that I seem to run into often. And, really, I am a pleasant person who loves kids. Just not during my Goodwill shopping.<3

Thrift Store Fabulous: Thrift and Shout

When my mom and I moved in with my step father waaay back in the day, one memory that sticks out in my mind the most is when we went to a thrift store in downtown Auburn to get me some new bedding. Apparently I picked out a blanket, if memory serves me right it had multiple shades of pastel colors made from a soft cotton. For the longest time, it was my favorite blanket, and I think my mom finally tossed it in the trash once I hit middle school (if not before that).

Later on in life, the thought of going to a thrift store was "sooo not cool", and I stuck up my snotty, self-righteous nose at the thought of wearing USED clothes.

Please, I have Old Navy and Abercrombie to shop at, mom!

It wasn't until high school that I really started getting back into the groove of finding kick ass used clothes for dirt cheap. Mostly because I was broke, and because it was kind of a middle finger to the high school culture (such a rebel, I am!).

Now, in my mid-20s (barf), I've really embraced the art of thrifting. It's become therapy for me - for example, today was a SUUUUPER annoying day at work, and with life, so after work I decided I didn't want to go home, but I didn't want to go to the mall. So, I went to the Goodwill on 72nd in Tacoma. It's an older Goodwill, which means a larger one (why are the newer ones soooo small???), which in turn means more stuff for me to look at, and further turns into meaning that I can have time to zone out, look through second-hand goods, and chillax before heading to the crib.

Luckily, I found a pair of Marc Ecko jeans ($7), a paisley shirt from Target ($5), and a mustard yellow Caslon (NWT from Nordstrom) brand cardigan ($3). Talk about RESALE therapy! Hardy har har har!

But I digress...

Thrifting has become a therapy, a way for me to save money, and also a way for me to think more critically and creatively. While something may not look the best on the hanger, or may be a size larger/smaller than you normally wear, there are so many brands available that you can never be too confident an odd piece may not be your next favorite article of clothing.

That's why I love Thrift and Shout so much - a blog about a woman named Lindsey in Ohio who does the most amazing job at creating outfits from her thrift store finds. She also has a segment on a local news show that is all about developing a thrift store wardrobe. Plus, she's the cutest little red-head you ever did see. I just wana squeeze her, she's so itty bitty and adorable.

That's not strange, right?

Yikes...anyway...

One of my favorite outfits from her blog:

via Thrift and Shout

She totally made those tacky 80's sequin grandma dressed modern and completely wearable! It's magic, I swear. Some sort of adorable, red-headed magic....

In the same vein (ewwww), I came across a website called today Smashion, where you can trade/sell your clothes without being charged a listing fee, or other fees like eBay or consignment shops have. So far, it's checking out pretty awesome. There's the occasional Anthropologie item that I am THISCLOSE to purchasing (I love me some dresses with bikes on them!), but I am finding a lot of really ratty looking Forever 21 and Wet Seal crap - ugh, just throw it AWAY.

Well, that's my super awesome post with fashion AND thrifting - SHYEAH BUDDY!

Goooooodnight. xoxoxo